Iowa columnist Todd Dorman has a hillarious column discussing (hypothetically) what will happen during the day of the Ames Straw Poll, including the speeches by presidential candidates. Pay special atention to what he says about Cox. He nailed it.
- 12:45 p.m. – Candidate speeches:
- Mitt Romney – “Fake Left, Run Right and Cross the Goal Line to Victory”
- Tom Tancredo – “Good, Heavily Armed, Very High, Razor-Wired, Fully Electrified Fences Make Good Neighbors.”
- John Cox – “A Good Time to Head for the Concession Stand.”
- Ron Paul – “Hey, Don’t You Dare Groan When I’m Talking to You.”
- Mike Huckabee – “I’m Reasonable, Articulate, Conservative, Smart and This is Probably My Last Speech as a Candidate.”
- Duncan Hunter – “Geez, Quit Checking Your Watches.”
- Tommy Thompson – “I’ve Been to All 99 Counties, I Ate 127 Tenderloins and I Know How to Pronounce Nevada. You Owe Me."